Worried Walter

“We have to look after the water,” said Walter,

“And not use too much fossil fuel,

The planet is tiny, the planet is fragile,

That’s what they teach me at school.”

“Nonsense,” said Dad, “The planet’s enormous,

And water just falls from the sky,

They teach you some rubbish at school. Don’t you listen,

They don’t know the how and the why.”

“Each time you turn on a light switch,” said Walter,

Its puts C02 in the air.

And everything gets just a little bit warmer.”

“Do you know lad, I really don’t care.

I don’t object if it wants to get warmer,

Not that I think that it will.

But turn off the light if you want to though Walter,

It will save a few pence on the bill.”

“The planet is tiny, the planet it fragile

The planet is falling apart. 

If it gets any worse I’ll be worried to pieces

It really is breaking my heart.”

“Why are you always worrying Walter?

What is there to worry about?”

“I’m worried the world will get worse while I worry.”

“Its pointless to worry ‘bout nout.”

“Its not nout,” said Walter, “Its water and weather

And whether the world will be cooked.”

“Don’t be daft, lad. You can’t cook a planet.

Its too big. You just haven’t looked.

Its got cold bits and hot bits and warm bits and mild bits

And lots of bits covered in seas,

There’s wet bits and dry bits and low bits and high bits

And miles all grown over with trees.”

“When we’re going on holiday, Dad, can we cycle?

I really would rather not fly.”

“Well that might be tricky, lad” said his father,

“Since we’re going to see Auntie Di.”

“I’ll take the train, Dad, if it’s too far to cycle.

Not a plane, cos I’d just feel a failure.”

“You might have a problem with that idea Walter,

Since Auntie Di lives in Australia.”

Auntie Di’s garden was all dry and salty

And she could get nothing to grow.

“There used to be flowers and there used to be grass

It would grow anything I could sow.

The climate is changing, the climate is warming,

That one thing is perfectly clear.

And its caused by the things that the people are doing

And getting worse every year.”

“I have to admit, the world is enormous,

I certainly got that wrong, Dad,

But I wasn’t wrong about water and warming,”

Said Walter, still worrying like mad.

Uncle Joe said, “Just look at this thing that I’m building

I’m turning the sun into power,

With the help of some mirrors I’m heating up water

At the top of a very high tower.”

“I’m still a bit worried,” said Walter to father

“Well that’s nothing new little lad,

“But I’ve got news. I’m going to work with your uncle,

Meet your new ecological Dad!

He’s asked me to work on his solar tower business

And I have decided to stay.

Auntie Di wants to see some more of you Walter

And your cousins would like you to play.

“I’ll still be a little bit worried,” said Walter

“Cos worrying is what I do.

But I’m glad you are going to be helping to make

Electricity without C02.”

“The weather, the world and the water,” said Walter,

“They really were spoiling my fun,

But the thing that is making it all so much better

Is the wonderful power of the sun.”

The Last Day of the Fringe

There are pillars fat with posters

Lashed by rain and winds

Soggy, torn and falling off

On the last day of the fringe.

There are posters in the closes

There are flyers in the wynds

Flattened to wet pavements

Selling comedy and mimes,

And Adam Smith looks down

From his elevated plinth

Taking in the scene below

With perhaps a little cringe

At the camera wielding tourists

On the last day of the Fringe.

There are nuns with beards and Sherlock Holmes

There are pirates, there are smugglers

And the crowds are gathering loosely

Round the fire-eaters and jugglers

Who haven’t set the town on fire -

Well, perhaps  a little singe,

But everyone is winding down

On the last day of the Fringe.

And shops of nylon saltires

And lion rampant flags

Hey Jimmy hats and kilt beach towels

And slightly dubious mags

Are totting up their total take

As they start to feel the pinch

Because trade is falling off now

On the last day of the fringe.

Our money is all spent now

We’ve have a laugh its true

And one too many hangovers

And three shows at the Zoo.

The Pleasance has been pleasant

And in the Underbelly’s good

We had some fun at Bedlam

But everyone has said

That Summerhall, the new venue

Is the saviour of the fringe.

But truly we don’t care now,

On the last day of the fringe.

A little klezmer music

Is playing in the street

And two old men are tapping

Out the rhythm with their feet,

And the air is filled with merriment

That’s fighting the despair

Of a tired and dirty city

That’s trying not to winge

But has nearly had enough by now

On the last day of the fringe,

Of supporting all the stand ups

And the budget theatre acts

Where giant birds are flyering

Along with giant rats,

And a man in drag is pushing

A teddy in a pram

With an air of weary jollity

Searching for more fans

To come and see his five star show

“Hilarious” and “Banned."

We’ve hung out here for long enough

Where visitors impinge

On the patience of the locals

Til the last day of the Fringe.

Today’s  bank holiday Monday

And the kids are back at school

Whereas yesterday was Sunday

And the holiday spirit held.

The families were out in strength

Teenagers on the binge

In tiny shorts and high heeled shoes

That surely must have pinched.

There are far too many reviewers

Or that is what we’ve heard,

There’s talk of star inflation

And a growing stand up herd.

Too much commercialisation’s

An undisputed fact,

But so’s commercial sponsorship

For many of the acts.

Are we a little jaded? Maybe just a tinge

As we go home to watch TV

On the last day of the fringe.