Gilbert's Sequel to Coleridge's Ancient Mariner

Am I an ancient mariner? Is that what you’d call me?

I suppose I’m getting on a bit, and it’s true I’ve been to sea

I am an ancient mariner?  I am! And what is more

I’ve got an awful feeling I’ve become a crashing bore.

I just had an encounter which I now feel, truth to tell

May possibly – just possibly have not gone very well.

They tell you now “be congruent, be open, be yourself”

“People will like the real you. It’s good for mental health.”

I met a chap just earlier on, struck up a conversation

Though now I see it was a one-way flow of information.

Perhaps I’m just being paranoid, perhaps it was all fine

But there might have been a moment when I crossed a certain line.

He seemed a pleasant sort, and I think that he was listening

But in retrospect I’m wondering if there’s something I was missing

I have a mental picture that he was dressed up a bit

In top hat, silk tie and morning coat when I come to think of it.

I had a sense that that was funny – it’s not what people usually wear

I wonder if it’s possible he was supposed to be somewhere

A concert or a conference or some film set extra scene?

Or – Oh God! It was a wedding wasn’t it? It must have been!

  

At times he looked impatient, as though he had to leave

And join two other chaps he’d been with earlier, I now believe.

He’d glance down every now and then – perhaps to see his watch.

At the time I thought him wincing for the poor old albatross.

He seemed spellbound by my story, but perhaps he was in shock

Maybe my hold on his elbow had him in too firm a lock.

Mortification everywhere! I ought to see a shrink!

But what good is a talking cure? I’d better turn to drink ..

As one who on a lonesome road doth walk in grave embarrassment

I’m sure that legally speaking this could be considered harassment -

So saying did the mariner bewail his social faux pas

A sadder and a wiser man he climbed back in his Skoda.